Sunday, August 28, 2011
My Best Friend And I Are Growing Apart
It's weird really to even write this down, to even think about it. But, as I sit here and try to sort through all of it, I realize how true it is. My best friend-- since the first grade-- has started to become distant. I've recently moved, to my utter most horror, to Englewood. Now, this is the first I've seen her in months, she seems to have become far away. We used to talk in every silent opening there was, but not anymore. We'll share a few words of small talk but then there's always that awkward, over-bearing silence. It's not that I don't think of her any differently. And I don't think that I've changed either. I look in the mirror, and I'm still the same person. I say something, and it still sounds like something I would say. But lately... it's as if I'm an alien. Intruding in her perfect life. Her wonderful life. The life in which she has exotic friends and charter schools. I'm just Paige, the only plain thing in her tasteful life.
We used to just sit for hours, talking. About everything. Boys, girls, school, music, bands, the internet, boyfriends, clothes, shopping, money, concerts. You name it, we could have a conversation about it. But whenever I try to start a conversation, I get those one word replys that often mean 'leave me alone.' But that's the thing. I don't know how to leave her alone. Everything I do, everything I see, wear, hear, say, it all relates to her some way. Sometimes, I'll sit and review my day, gather anything exciting in my relatively un-exciting life, so I can tell her. But nothing ever happens to me, at least, not without the craziness of my best friend.
I'm trying to back track. What went wrong? I moved away... but that shouldn't change anything should it? I wish I could go back in time. I could tell my mom that I didn't want to move. I could argue, do everything in my range of ability. Maybe it would've phased her, and I wouldn't be sitting here, my face drenched with my own tears.
And I don't want to sound like a Sobbing Sally, but believe me when I say she was my BEST friend. No, she was like my sister. I could tell her everything and anything.
But now I'm trespassing. No longer welcome. Somehow we've drifted away from each other. And I suppose I should stop ranting.
She means the world to me, and I'm no longer sure if I mean the world to her anymore.
We used to just sit for hours, talking. About everything. Boys, girls, school, music, bands, the internet, boyfriends, clothes, shopping, money, concerts. You name it, we could have a conversation about it. But whenever I try to start a conversation, I get those one word replys that often mean 'leave me alone.' But that's the thing. I don't know how to leave her alone. Everything I do, everything I see, wear, hear, say, it all relates to her some way. Sometimes, I'll sit and review my day, gather anything exciting in my relatively un-exciting life, so I can tell her. But nothing ever happens to me, at least, not without the craziness of my best friend.
I'm trying to back track. What went wrong? I moved away... but that shouldn't change anything should it? I wish I could go back in time. I could tell my mom that I didn't want to move. I could argue, do everything in my range of ability. Maybe it would've phased her, and I wouldn't be sitting here, my face drenched with my own tears.
And I don't want to sound like a Sobbing Sally, but believe me when I say she was my BEST friend. No, she was like my sister. I could tell her everything and anything.
But now I'm trespassing. No longer welcome. Somehow we've drifted away from each other. And I suppose I should stop ranting.
She means the world to me, and I'm no longer sure if I mean the world to her anymore.
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